THE STORY OF THE LOSS OF MY SISTER IS WOVEN INTO THE FIBERS OF WHO I AM.
My sister died unexpectedly in 2008 and everything I knew, or thought I knew, was turned upside down. My body reacted. I was faced with anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder. Plus I had a pain lodged in my chest that was so heavy, I had trouble breathing and being in my own body. I tried to pour what energy I had into helping my sister’s family. And at the same time I was facing considerable complications in my own family. I also was faced with being the only child left to help my grief stricken parents. I felt isolated and alone in my pain, feeling the sting that I couldn’t pick up the phone to call my sister for support.
The devastating pain would turn out to be my greatest ally. It brought me to my knees and consequently to complete vulnerability. I no longer had the energy to pretend to be my old self with my protective strategies and pretenses, skimming the surface of my experiences and putting on my social mask. My rawness left me wide open with no other choice but to be real. I experienced the beauty of relating to myself, and to others who were willing, with unobstructed openness. And I began to examine the beliefs, patterns and actions that were no longer serving me.
My yoga practice threw me a lifeline. It became my medicine, giving me breaks from the chaos of my mind, offering a calm I knew held answers. And it led me to people, resources, learnings and modalities with a new openness that would have had my former self rolling her eyes. Toltec practices, Native American spirituality, Bodywork, Talk Therapy, Mindfulness Practices, Meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique, Hypnosis, Buddhist principals.
A funny thing happened as I explored different healing techniques. Common themes developed.
The body knows the truth.
The mind (ego) is tricky.
Quieting the mind is the way to the truth.
Awareness is the root of all change.
Our body contains infinite wisdom.
Our body can store emotions and traumas.
The body has a phenomenal way of healing itself.
Our body, mind and spirit are inexplicably linked.
At our core, we are love and light.
And life is sacred,
to name a few.
I honor my teachers and sages, Amy Agape, Constance Bauer, Anne Paulson, Bob Kearney, Talya Ring, Ainslie MacCloud and Jen Beer for bringing me along on a journey of self transformation. It is they that compel me to share my learning with others.
The journey to find spaciousness to sit with the unsettling discomfort of loss, pain and suffering and at the same time hold space for love and the tremendous joys and blessings of this life. The journey to uncover the layers that keep you from being your true self. To me that’s what it’s all about. I can think of nothing harder. Yet nothing more fulfilling.